It’s been ages since I’ve had apple pie. No real reason in particular. Tonight I had apple pie, and all I could think of was the trip to Arizona that my family took, and we went to this farm and me and my grandfather bought a pie that had like 3 lbs. of apples in it and was at least 6” high, and we just so amused by it and for the rest of that trip we shared that pie.

That was the same trip that I got stung by something and I had a welt on my leg that was huuugeee. Seriously, it had to be like 4” in diameter. My grandfather drove to the nearest store, which I believe was a Dollar General that was 20 minutes away to pick up creams and bandaids. No one takes care of me like he did.

Basically, I miss him. I miss him so much. I just keep pushing him to the back of my mind every time a thought pops up because if not, I become this crying mess, that I currently am right now, every time.

I don’t keep pictures of him up and when I do see pictures of him, I quick pass them by and I don’t let the thought sink in…or if I’m lucky enough I will have a derealization moment and it won’t even phase me.

A majority of the days, I still just can’t believe he is not here. That he’s not just a text message or e-mail or phone call away.

Honestly, none of it seems real.