whydoihaveablog:

If you force feed yourself four spoonfuls of burnt quinoa, you will eventually forget what good quinoa tastes like and can continue to eat the terrible burnt quinoa you burnt that made all of the alarms go off and the dogs angry at you and then, oh my god, all of the fire alarms are connected and when they go off there is a VOICE from the BASEMENT that YELLS at you in a robot lady voice, “EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY.” and I am screaming in the kitchen, waving my iPad at one of the 90 fire alarms like it is a fan and not an expensive machine and my best friend.