throwingmilkshakesatcars:

falafelsexual:

applespirate:

- Shiny, pretty eyes.

- Rockin’ tits.

- Good legs/thighs.

- Dat ass.

- Promiscuity.

- Good music taste.

- Cute, rather than hot, but able to be hot when the time calls for it.

- Biting.

- Bisexuality, but not the kind of women that flaunt it all the goddamn time. “LOL I LIEK GIRLS IS THAT HOT LOL?”

- /b/tard

- Nerdy, but once again, doesn’t flaunt it. “LOL GUYS I PLAY POKEMON AND KIRBY WANNA BE INSIDE ME?”

- A hella tight vocabulary.

- Parties hard.

- Hates Seth Rogen as much as I do.

- Doesn’t mind PDA.

- Is attracted to me.

- Enjoys dark/offensive humor. If you can’t joke about 9/11, Holocaust, or racism, we might have a bit of a problem.

- Hardcore sex drive.

- Extrovert, but an introvert that is extroverted in the right situations is just as good.

- Has a cool name.

- DSL.

- Doesn’t mind actin’ a fool in public.

- Good singing voice.

- Is cool with trying new things.

- Digs giant robots.

- Just a fun motherfucker to be around.

- Original, as in, they are their own person.

- Artsy.

Bisexuality, but not the kind of women that flaunt it all the goddamn time. “LOL I LIEK GIRLS IS THAT HOT LOL?”

- Original, as in, they are their own person.

But they still have to adhere to this list in its entirety. Still their own person though, but possessing all the qualities that please men. 100% individual but exactly this factory-made teenage boy fantasy. Individual as long as she likes all the things I like, dresses the way I want her to dress, and behaves the way I want her to behave. Truly original and her own person. Hella. Hella hella hella Family Guy rulez, feminazis can suck my balls, Daniel Tosh is my idol, 4chan 4ever, ICP is life, love chicks who suck the D even though mine’s been safely tucked inside my Justice League undies my entire life, sandwich joke, kitchen joke.

This guy is a douche-nozzle.